One of my Manic Episodes.

My personal story of a Manic episode.

   It was the middle of summer. Everyone was noticing that I seemed to be doing a lot of strange things. I, on the other hand did not. I was involved in three projects designing landscaping jobs for peoples homes. I had always had a good eye for design and people liked my work. I began to feel that I could accomplish anything. It was a great feeling after coming off a long depression. I had hired a few workers to help with the increasing work load.

   So many great ideas of design were flowing in my mind. Word began to spread that I was working again, so I took on even more jobs. I had previously lost my Landscape design business due to my Bipolar illness. Everyone assumed I was back in control and could handle going back into business, including me.

   I began to get very bossy with the customers and short tempered with my workers. I figured they would all put up with me for the great job I would do for them. I felt my talents had no boundaries and that I could do and say anything.

   Things began to get strange! I began to feel that I new what was in other peoples minds. I began playing games with people, guessing what they would say next, or predicting what song was going to play next on the radio. I became extremely impatient, taking things in stores instead of waiting in line. I figured I would pay the store back later. I never got caught because of my special powers.

   Life seemed magical and I could do or say anything. I required very little sleep, staying up for 2 or 3 days at a time. Some how I knew this was not going to turn out good, but it felt good and I did not care. I had been in Mania before and ended up in different hospitals, but when you feel this good, you do not care about the outcome. You now believe you are the only person with these special powers.

   I now began to warn people about the things that were going to happen to them. I started doing this to my customers, warning them about terrible things that were going to happen in their lives, if they did not heed my message.

   I bounced from project to project taking deposits from people and not getting anything done. My workers began to quit and the projects I started, sat idle. I started to get complaints and yet none of this bothered me. I would just use my magical powers and fix everything. It is so embarrassing when I look back.

   People close to me new I was in trouble, but they could not do anything about it. I took on yet another project at my sisters house. She is a nurse and had experienced some of my bizarre behaviors in the past. She reminded me of what happen before. How I thought I was seeing dead people, and the times I ended up in the hospital in just my robe and sunglasses, thinking I was an angel, and  how I thought my other sister, who had passed away was communicating with me from the beyond. I told her that this was different. I really believed that this was different.

   I told my sister that I would stay at her house a couple of days to get the job done quickly. I think she agreed, so she could keep an eye on me. I began to take over her household. She found it strange that I kept on watching the Wizard of Oz, over and over again. I was fascinated with the movie for some reason. For two straight days and nights I watched that movie, while my last worker slaved in the yard.

   I got in a fight with my sister over money that she gave me for the job. She wanted her money back. I had deposits from other jobs, so I gave it to her. I started getting complaints from every customer that nothing was happening with their yard. I assured them that I would be starting their job shortly.

   As the pressure mounted I started to unravel. I got in my car and just began to drive, I figured I could just leave and magically the work would get done without me. I headed west from Michigan. I picked up a hitch hiker who had a big sign saying, going west!  I would use him to guide me. He had a long beard and looked harmless, so off we went.

   I only had three hundred dollars on me, so I would have to use my magical powers to get to where I was going. When you are in this manic state, a person can be very convincing and people will believe what you are saying. I stayed at the best hotels. Ate at the best restaurants and began stealing from gas stations and not paying for anything. I did not consider this stealing because I was helping this homeless hitch hiker. I was doing Gods work! I really believed that.

   After two days with the hitchhiker we decided to part. I told him that I would rent him and I a hotel room. It was 2 am when we arrived at the hotel. I convinced the service desk person to rent me a room for a couple of hours. I made up a story, how I rescued this homeless man, and that I was a news reporter, and she believed me.

   She gave me the card that lets you in the room. The hotel was empty and that is probably why she let me stay there. For some reason, I began to see if the card would open up other rooms. I went from room to room checking the doors. I found out that by sliding the card quickly in and out of some doors I could open several rooms. I was so impressed with my discovery that I showed the front desk. They were stunned and this led me to believe that my magical powers were still working.

   In the morning the hitch hiker and I parted company. I filled my car with gas, not paying, and drove off not really knowing where I was headed. I was now in state of complete Mania!

   I started to hear voices in my mind directing me where to go. the voice said California and that's where I would go. I just kept driving hour after hour. I hustled money at pool halls along the way to pay for things. I was good at pool and had fun taking drunks money.

   Late at night, after not sleeping for a couple of days I stopped driving and began to fall asleep. I was awaken by a railroad worker. I was actually asleep on the middle of the rail road track. I told him I was lost and I needed help to find the expressway. He drove ten miles out of his way and I followed him to the expressway.

   I drove for another two days and two nights, guided by the voices I was hearing. As I drove along a darken country road. The voice said to me, you are in California. I kept driving and the voice kept telling me things. The voice said you are 21 years old now, I was really 43 at the time. The voice said the house up ahead is where you really live. This is your real life, the other life was just a dream. I was getting more and more confused. What was happening to me!

   I pulled into this farm house at 2 in the morning. It was in the middle of no where. Acres and acres of land, as far as your eye could see. This was my home, my real home. It all made sense to me. I tried to get into the front door with my key. I could not figure why it would not open. The voice told me where the key was. I am not making this up, but there was a key where the voice said, and it opened the door.

   I went into the house. I looked around and seen an elderly couple sleeping in a room. I did not wake them. I figured they were guests of mine. The voice now told me that I had friends that were waiting for me in the pole barns. I could here them calling me. I looked in the pole barns to find my friends. I could here them calling me, but I could not see them.

   I heard the voices calling out in the corn fields. I ran towards them and soon was lost. This was a huge farm with acres and acres of corn fields. I was disoriented and confused. I was so tired that I layed on my back looking up at the stars. The voice now said that this was a game and you lost.

   I began to panic, running and running through the corn fields. I heard a dog barking from the house. That must be my dog, I thought. The barking led me back to the farm house. It was a German Shepard with three legs. He was friendly and he was my dog, so I sat on the deck and petted him.

   A Police car pulled up, they asked me my name. I did not know anymore. The older couple in the house called the Police. The Police were very kind to me. They knew I was not in a good metal state. They were very careful and handcuffed me, placing me in the back seat. They said they were taking me to the station, but I was not being arrested. They took my car and preceded to the station.

   When I got to the station I began to panic. I told them that I needed to go to a hospital. They left me in a room and I began to get scared. I told them that I did not want to be alone. The one Lady officer said she would sit with me. I began to play mind games with her. I could feel she was getting uncomfortable with my confusing behavior. She warned me to sit still.

   We talked about her children. For some reason I guessed that they were Autistic. This really spooked her. I told here that I would hug her. She said that was not allowed, but I stood up and hugged her anyway. She yelled out for help as I squeezed her tightly. I could even feel her back crack.

   Four other officers rushed in. I was confused and I resisted them. They grabbed my arms and legs placing me in a straight jacket. I was actually glad to be in the straight jacket it felt comforting to me. I was put into an ambulance and taken to a Nebraska Hospital. I was happy to be there.

   The funny thing is that this was the only Hospital that discovered the proper medications that worked for me. It turned out to be the best place that I could have ended up.

   It is over five years ago that I left that hospital. I have never had another Manic episode since then. I continue adjusting my meds slightly. I see a doctor and a therapist every couple of weeks back in Michigan. I receive assistance, but I am happy to be sane. It has been a tough road but you can never give up. Things are getting better and better. I found out there are people who care about you and there is a lot of help out there, if you look hard enough.

I have gone through several of these episodes and take my recovery very serious. Bipolar can be a very serious illness, you must stay on top of it at all times!

  I am embarassed to discuss a lot of my stories.  I do not think it is healthy to look back on all the bad stuff.  I just hope that you realize you are not alone and you must continue to move forward with your illness.  Try not to dwell in the past and make the decision to move ahead.