Wow, I am back to fat, and it sucks!
I thought I had this weight problem under control. I even bragged in earlier posts how I had it all figured out. Ya, Right... I ended up losing 112 pounds. I was so smug telling everyone how I did it. I got down to my dream weight of 180 pounds, the hard way, working out and eating right. We'll I gained it all back. I guess when I accomplished my goal I realized I still had all the same problems.
I was still depressed. When you are losing weight you get lots of compliments, you look so good, how did you do it, and I bragged how I did it. The adulation wore off and the depression came back and it was off to all of my favorite fast food places. Oh how I wish I could go back and stop myself from eating so much.
For a large part of my weight loss I was in mania, which made it easy to work out. Now, I just don't seem to be interested in being healthy. I am sure you know the feeling which depression only magnifies. The thoughts of suicide and just how easy it would be to give up. I guess I blame myself and not my illness. I am no spring chicken and the weight is really catching up with me. Legs are hurting and I am getting very uncomfortable.
I have lost and gained this weight several times and it is getting tiring. I am not sure I even want to lose it again. I know what I should eat, I know how to exercise. How do you exercise when you are in depression and really don't care if you live. I am sure there is some weird reason I keep doing this. I am on the right drugs and I am pretty sure this is as stable as I can be.
When I lost the weight at least I could scratch that problem off my long list of other problems. It's back on the list, along with job, relationships, isolation, and a long list of others. I am now 54 and really do not care what I look like. It was nice to feel good even for a short time.
I am really lost on what to do. Should I just give up, and except being fat. Let me know if you have any ideas. Maybe there is a better way to think. I am on lithium, Seroquel and Lamictal. I have tried all the others.
I thought I had this weight problem under control. I even bragged in earlier posts how I had it all figured out. Ya, Right... I ended up losing 112 pounds. I was so smug telling everyone how I did it. I got down to my dream weight of 180 pounds, the hard way, working out and eating right. We'll I gained it all back. I guess when I accomplished my goal I realized I still had all the same problems.
I was still depressed. When you are losing weight you get lots of compliments, you look so good, how did you do it, and I bragged how I did it. The adulation wore off and the depression came back and it was off to all of my favorite fast food places. Oh how I wish I could go back and stop myself from eating so much.
For a large part of my weight loss I was in mania, which made it easy to work out. Now, I just don't seem to be interested in being healthy. I am sure you know the feeling which depression only magnifies. The thoughts of suicide and just how easy it would be to give up. I guess I blame myself and not my illness. I am no spring chicken and the weight is really catching up with me. Legs are hurting and I am getting very uncomfortable.
I have lost and gained this weight several times and it is getting tiring. I am not sure I even want to lose it again. I know what I should eat, I know how to exercise. How do you exercise when you are in depression and really don't care if you live. I am sure there is some weird reason I keep doing this. I am on the right drugs and I am pretty sure this is as stable as I can be.
When I lost the weight at least I could scratch that problem off my long list of other problems. It's back on the list, along with job, relationships, isolation, and a long list of others. I am now 54 and really do not care what I look like. It was nice to feel good even for a short time.
I am really lost on what to do. Should I just give up, and except being fat. Let me know if you have any ideas. Maybe there is a better way to think. I am on lithium, Seroquel and Lamictal. I have tried all the others.
